Gone
by Kage kioku aji tenshi
Summary: The Line of Durin is ended. Trigger Warnings Miscarriage. Slash, Mpreg. Also Medical inaccuracies.
1. Gone

Summary: The Line of Durin is ended.

Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield.

Trigger Warnings Miscarriage.

Slash, Mpreg.

Also Medical inaccuracies.  
-

Bilbo cried until he had no more tears to cry and then he begged Gandalf to take him back to Bag-End, Thorin was gone and with him Fili and Kili.

The heaviness within him was ignored as they travelled and Bilbo felt new tears fill his eyes with the coming of each new day and could give himself no reason to hold them back and Gandalf couldn't look at him without guilt in his eyes.

Bilbo declined staying at Beorn's and Gandalf allowed it. Bilbo just wanted to get back to Shire, so much so that he hardly noticed his lack of appitite, blaming it on his grief when Gandlaf pointed it out to him.

Bilbo almost sighed in relief to see Rivendell and he almost managed a smiled before his vision went black and he dropped to the ground to the horror of his companion.

Gandlaf carried Bilbo quickly to Lord Elrond, who took Bilbo to a privet room and refused Gandalf entry for hours.

* * *

Bilbo woke with a feeling of emptiness and a wave of sorrow. He frowned at the Elf Lord that sat in the chair beside his bed, he tried to sit up but a burning pain across his lower abdomen halted him.

"Be still, Master Baggins." Lord Elrond said softly.

"What happened?" Bilbo asked as he gazed at the Elf.

"We had to remove the babe." Elrond informed him quietly, "It was dead inside you and was making you quiet sick."

Bilbo gazed at Lord Elrond incomprehensively, "Babe?"

Elrond's face twisted, "You were pregnant, Master Baggins, I would guess during the battle the afterbirth separated from your womb."

"What does that mean?" Bilbo found himself asking, voice small.

"Essentually, Master Baggins, the babe starved within you."

Bilbo felt tears in his eyes and turned his gaze to the ceiling.

Elrond stood gracefully and walked to the door.

"Can I see him?" Bilbo asked as Elrond opened the door.

"Of course, we were unsure if you wanted to bury him here or take him to the Shire."

"I want to take him." Bilbo said, "Could, could you make a stone coffen for him?"

Elrond's eyes grew wet and he nodded, "We will."

Elrond left and returned moments later a very small bundle of blankets held in his arms.

Bilbo found himself reaching for the bundle, hardly aware of his actions and there was heaviness in his arms instead of his belly and Bibo let his tears stream down his face as he buried his nose in the babe's dark hair and sobbs made his body shake as he counted tiny fingers and toes and pressed his hand over where a heartbeat should have been.

Elrond watched him without comment and found himself leaving Bilbo alone with the remains of his child, the grief too much to watch.

Bilbo looked down at the babe, he looked like he was sleeping had there been a heartbeat under his hand but there was none. Bilbo let his thumb trace the apple of a cheek, he prayed that Mahal and Yavanna were kind, that they had placed the small soul into Thorin's ams in the Dwarrow Halls of Waiting and if being half-Hobbit excluded him from being welcomed there Bilbo hoped that his parents were the ones that would be given the baby soul, he knew that they would show him the love an care he would miss because Bilbo had failed in protecting him before he entered to world.

He hoped that Thorin would forgive him for failing to protect the small being he hadn't been aware of. Bilbo's tears fell on the babe's face and began soaking the blankets he was wrapped in.

"Dwarrow give their children an outer name and a secret name." Bilbo whispered to the child quietly, "Your father gave me his and I will carry it with me until I enter Yavanna's Garden. I cannot gift you wit a Dwarrow secret name but perhaps yoru father would not mind you having a secret name in the tongue of Hobbits."

Bilbo kissed the child's forehead, "Pellelee (Peh-lay-lay), is the name I give you, it means 'Beautiful Soul'."

Bilbo held the child close to his heart, speaking quietly to him, until Elrond returned hours later and apologized for having to take the child from him.

"Where is Gandalf?" Bilbo asked when he realized that the Wizard had not bothered him.

"He found other business to attend when I refused to answer his questions about your injuries. I will organize you an escort to the Shire."

"Thank you." Bilbo said.

* * *

Bilbo couldn't bring himself to ride a pony, he had to walk with his Pellelee, his hand not leaving the carven stone since he had placed the small body within.

The wagon didn't jostle, and the Elves riding slowly beside him did not look at him, Bilbo was glad of the iilusion of privacy and ignored the slight commotion when they arrived at Bag-End, the twin sons of Elrond lifting the Stone coffen and carrying it to where Bilbo wanted it.

Bilbo knelt next to the stone and pulled from his pocket an acorn, which he planted at the head of the coffin, he would plant flowers around the little coffin because he could not bare the thought that his Pellelee would not be surrounded by flowers in the afterlife, he hoped that Mahal would allow his babe to see his parents in Yavanna's Garden.

Bilbo never knew how long it was before Hamfast led him into Bag-End and helped him to bed, he never asked where the starter flowers came from but he appriciated that he did not offer his help in planting them around the stone, nor did he ask if they needed watering.

Bilbo watered the blooms everyday and sat among them and talked, he told the story of his journey unknowing or uncaring about the other small faunts that wandered near to hear the tales.

But most often Bilbo prayed that his Pellelee was held safely in Thorin's arms and that Fili and Kili were happy with their new cousin and Bilbo prayed that they would forgive him for sending Pellelee to their arms so soon.

* * *

*I may add to this later but I haven't decided yet.*


	2. Ending(Thorin is Dead)

Summary: Mahal called him before him, Thorin was not prepared for what Mahal wanted.

* * *

Thorin walked through the halls until he came to the large Mithril doors.

"Enter." A large voice echoed before he had even knocked on the door.

"You wished to see me, Mahal." Thorin said as he entered the lage hall.

"Yes, come here, Thorin Oakenshield."

"May I ask what I am here for?"

Mahal smile at him, "You may always ask but you may not always get an answer."

Thorin shook his head, it sounded almost like Gandalf.

"Come, walk with me." Mahal said and stood from his throne, "You loved Bilbo Baggins?"

Thorin looked at Mahal, startled.

"I watch over my children and the Lady Yavanna has a soft spot for Tooks, and Bilbo Baggins is half Took." Mahal laughed.

"Is she where the Fairy blood came from?" Thorin asked.

It was Mahal's turn to look surprized, "They are still telling those stories?"

Thorin nodded.

They finally came to a round green door and Thorin felt a paign of sorrow rip through him at the sight as Mahal opened the door and sunlight streamed through the door.

Thorin moved to step through the door only to be stopped.

Mahal shook his head, "Master Baggins is not on the otherside."

"Darling." A soft voice said reaproachfully, as a beautiful woman stepped through the door, "You did the same when we were building our people's afterlives and I had not seen you in ages."

Mahal's eyes softed in a way that Thorin recognized, "Ghivashel."

Thorin felt a smile crawl across his face at the way the two greeted each other.

"Is this him?" Mahal asked, gestering to the bundle of blankets the woman held.

She nodded, "Yes, this is Pellelee."

"May I, Yavanna, my heart?" Mahal asked.

Yavanna smiled and handed the child over, "His grandparents demand to see him every weekend."

Mahal nodded, "It will be done."

"And we will discuss Bilbo Baggins when he arrives."

Mahal nodded again.

"Thorin Oakenshield, I have someone to introduce you to." Mahal said as he turned to the uncrowned king.

Thorin's eyes widened and filled with tears, "My son?"

Mahal nodded, "He is a cute little thing, Bilbo Baggins and you made a beautiful son."

Mahal handed the child to Thorin and Thorin gazed down at the tiny face, dark curls against his forehead and Bilbo's eyes staring back at him.

"How- Bilbo." Thorin said, voice filled with sorrow and grief for Bilbo.

"Aye, he's having a hard time of it but he won't be all alone for long." Yavanna said softly, "He'll heal with their help."

Thorin buried his nose into the child's curls, "Why are you giving him to me? After what I did to Bilbo."

Yavanna smiled, "Because Bilbo wants Pellelee to be with you and your family, he does not want him to be alone."

"Now you have someone to introduce to his cousins and grandparents." Yavanna said with a smile, "Off you go, dear."

Yavanna shooed her hands at him and Thorin felt it was a better idea to listen to her than stay and risk her wrath, regardless of whether or not Mahal was doen with him.

* * *

Thorin entered the Great Hall and walked over towards his parents, brother, and nephews.

"What's that, Uncle?" Kili asked excitedly, "Did Mahal give it to you?"

"Aye." Thorin said, "Kili, this is my son, Pellelee."

"It's a babe, oh, poor Bilbo." Fili said.

"Aye, he wanted him with us." Thorin said.

"Can I hold him?" Kili asked.

"Kili, let your uncle bond with his son, you can hold him later." Thorin's mother said, pulling the child away.

"He's cute." Frerin said, "Your Bilbo must be beautiful."

Thorin wanted to scowl at him but looked at his son and found himself smiling instead, even though it was a little bittersweet.


	3. Ending(Thorin Lives)

Summary: Thorin learns about his son. VERSION 2 (Thorin is Alive)

* * *

Thorin walked through the Shire with hesitence, it had been almost five years since Bilbo had left Erebor, and he wasn't sure of the wlecome he would rerecieve.

It had taken five years for him to be able to leave Erebor with confidence that it would still be standing when he returned. His sister, Dis,would be able to handle things in his absence, however long it took.

After his time here in the SHire her would need to continue on to Ered Luin and he hoped that Bilbo would accompany him.

Thorin stopped at the gate that surrounded Bag-End, the sounds of merryment echoing through the night and shadows danced in the lights taht lit up the Hobbit hole.

But it was the shadowed figure that exited the Hobbit Hole drew his attention.

Thorin entered the Gate and walked around, following the figure as they came to an area lit with carved lanterns, sheets of thin gem stones allowing the light to shine through, giving the area a soft glow of blue and green and sitting near a lantern of blue sapphires was Bilbo surrounded by blooming flowers.

"Bilbo." Thorin whispered.

Bilbo startled and looked at Thorin and Thorin saw tears fill his eyes.

"Thorin." Bilbo returned.

But Bilbo stayed where he was, his hand upon the stine that the flowers were planted around.

"I have missed you." Thorin said as he came to kneel next to Bilbo.

Bilbo suddenly began sobbing and buried his face in his free hand.

"Bilbo." Thorin said, reaching to hold him.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Bilbo sobbed into Thorin's chest as Thorin drew him into his arms.

"Shh, all is well."

Bilbo shook his head and his body shook with his sobs.

Bilbo pulled away, "I thought you were dead, Fili and Kili, too."

Thorin felt his heart still for a moment and then he drew Bilbo back to him and held on tightly.

"Who's holding my Pellelee if you're here." Bilbo asked between his sobs.

Thorin frowned slightly.

"Who is Pellelee?" He asked softly.

Bilbo pulled away to look at him and then to where his hand rested against stone.

"The child I failed." Bilbo whispered.

Thorin found his eyes looking closer at the stone they sat beside and felt his heart break as it had when he'd been told that Bilbo was gone and thought that meant Bilbo was dead and beyond his reach forever.

"Our child?" He asked, voice rough and breaking.

"I'm sorry." BIlbo sobbed again and curled forward to bury his face in his knees.

Thorin wrapped his arms around Bilbo and held him close, burying his own face into Bilbo's curls.

"How-" Thorin stopped, the how or why meant nothing, what mattered was that Bilbo had been alone with the grief that came with losing a child.

Losing a child, wheteher grown or a babe, was a time when family gathered around mother and father, and sibling of the child if there were any, and grieved the loss of a family member. When a child was lost in Dwarrow culture no one mourned alone, even if the one lost was the only remaining family then friends of the Dwarrow left behind would gather around them.

"I carried him within me until we reached Rivendell. After Elrond removed him from me he told me that he'd starved within me." Bilbo whispered, as he sat up to lean his head on Thorin's chest. "Something during the Battle made the afterbirth detach from my womb."

Thorin rested his cheek against Bilbo's hair as he gazed at the stone coffin that held their child as he rocked with Bilbo.

"You should not have been alon ein this." Thorin whispered.

"I had no place on the Battlefield." Bilbo said, "I killed him."

"No. Dwarrow have a difficult time carrying children, we lose them before birth often. His loss was not your fault." Thorin told Bilbo, "I am sorry that I was so far into madness that you feared telling me I was to be a father."

Thorin pressed a kiss to Bilbo's temple.

"I was not aware that we were to be parents." Bilbo admitted quietly, "I did not know he was there until he was gone."

Thorin felt tears fill his eyes.

"I'm sorry." Bilbo whispered again.

"I am sorry as well." Thorin returned, "You named him Pellelee?"

"It means 'Beautiful Soul' in Hobbitish, I knew no Dwarrow words to give him a secret name in your tongue." Bilbo whispered.

"Thank you for attempting to honor my traditions."

"He is your son too, a part of me hoped that Mahal would give him to you if he was put to rest the Dwarrow way. I did not want him to be all alone. But if you are here whohas Pellelee?" Bilbo asked.

"My mother, my brother, and all of my kin and yoru parents. Mahal would not be so cruel as to allow Pellelee to be alone nor would his wife." Thorin assured Bilbo.

"What happens now?" Bilbo asked, looking at the coffin.

"I have business in the Blue Mountains, I had hoped you would join me, that we could repair what I broke but I would not ask you to leave our Pellelee. No Dwarrow would." Thorin told Bilbo, "Not even for a One."

"But you cannot stay." Bilbo aknowledged.

"I cannot stay." Thorin confirmed.

"Could we take him to Erebor with us?" Bilbo asked quietly, "When we returned to the Shire I didn't have the heart to bury him in darkness." Bilbo explained.

"That could be possibe. We could lay him with my forefathers in the Mountain, he would not be alone then."

Bilbo nodded, his free hand taking Thorin's hand.

"I can't go to the Blue Mountainswith you. I need to arrange things here so I can stay in Erebor."

Thorin nodded, "I will ask Kili and Bofur to stay with you. You should not be alone in your grief."

"It has been almost five years." Bilbo said.

"And you were alone, a parent's grief over the loss of their child never ends." Thorin returned, "They will stay."

"How will we tell them?" Bilbo asked.

"I don't know." Thorin replied as a thought occured to him, "You gave our son a secret name, did you give him an outer name?"

Bilbo shook his head, "I did not know what name to give, I thought, perhaps, you would give him one if Mahal gave him to you."

"The mother gives both secret name and outer name." Thorin explained.

Bilbo thought, "Tarin then."

"Tarin, it is a good name." Thorin said.

There was silence between them, taking comfort with eachother and Bilbo let his eyes close.

"What are you two doing out here?"Dwalin asked, "We've been waiting for you for awhile, Thorin."

Thorin looked up at his old friend and realized that Bilbo was asleep against him, hand still touching the stone next to them.

"Collect the rets of the Company." Thorin ordered.

"We cannot just kidnape him, king or not." Dwalin scowled.

Thorin shook his head, "No, there is something else and I want Bilbo to remain sleeping, tell them so."

Dwalin frowned but went to the others and brought them, all of them expressing concern for Bilbo whne they saw him sleeping.

"What is it?" Balin asked.

"Bilbo lost a child alone." Thorin whispered.

Every Dwarrow gained a look of horror upon their features.

"Yours?" Ori asked him, mostly for clarification for when Bilbo had lost the child.

Thorin nodded.

"The name?" Balin found voice to ask.

"Outer name: Tarin, secret name Pellelee." Thorin told them, surprising them by trusting them with the child's secret name.

"Bilbo considers us all family." Bofur said, "He told me so. Tonight he said he missed us."

They all nodded.

The secret name does not sound familiar." Dori said.

"It is in Hobbitish." Thorin explained.

"Bilbo is remaining here then." Dori said.

"The child was laid to rest as Dwarrows are." Thorin motioned to the stone coffin before them, "Bilbo wants to take him to Erebor with us."

"Aye, we'll make it happen." Dwalin said gruffly.

"Who is staying with Bilbo while you go to Ered Luin?" Nori asked.

"I have to go with Thorin." Ori said, almost said.

"Kili and Bofur for sure." Thorin said.

Kili nodded seriously as did Bofur.

Bifur and Dori also demanded to stay.

"You cannot spare more, yoru sister will be angry enough that you left four of your guard." Dwalin said.

Thorin nodded, "You will also hep him pack what he wishes to take."

They nodded.

* * *

Bilbo never thought he would see Erebor again but there it was.

Thorin rode beside him and like the first time Bilbo had brought Pellelee to rest somewhere Bilbo's hand had not left the stone surrounded his child except to sleep.

The Dwarrows that had joined Thorin to journey to Erebor had been confused until one of the Compan explained and then there had been understanding.

They entered the Mountain and Dori, Dwalin, Fili and Bifur lifted the small coffin as Thorin pulled the crown wearing Dwarrowdam along gently when she would have stopped him.

Bilbo walked with Pellelee as they continued deeper into the Mountain, others joining the prosession as word spread about what was happening.

Dwalin and Bifur led them to an area where sun entered the tomb room and settled the small coffin between two larger ones.

Thorin moved to stand next to Bilbo who stayed by the coffin as Bifur, Dwalin, Fili, and Dori went to stand with the rest of the Company and the Dwarrowdam that had walked with Thorin stepped forward and began to speak, Bilbo didn't hear a word that was said, leaning into Thorin and closing his eyes.

There would be things to be doen tomorrow but for now Bilbo took comfort in Thorin's presence.


	4. Reunion (Follows chapter two)

Summary: Bilbo is reunited with his family.

* * *

-  
Bilbo knew that he would not wake up in the morning and even though he knew he would find joy in the Undying lands he also knew that they would not make him happy.

Bilbo closed his eyes and let the salty air blow on his face before letting Gandalf lead him down into the ship and to his bed.

Bilbo smiled at his old friend, "Thank you, Gandalf."

"For what, Bilbo?" Gandalf asked curiously.

"For inviting Dwarrows into my home all those years ago." Bilbo told him.

"I am sorry for how it ended." Gandalf said quietly.

"I am, but I would not trade the Adventure for anything, I would not trade Thorin or Pellelee for anything."

"You have never told me who Pellelee is." Gandalf hinted.

"I have never told Frodo either." Bilbo said, a small sad smile forming on his lips, "I suppose part of it was that I did not want share him and partly that I have been grieving him alone for so long."

"Bilbo?" Gandalf asked as Bilbo's eyes drifted closed.

"Good night, Gandalf." Bilbo said softly as he fell asleep swiftly.

Gandalf sighed softly, Bilbo was rarely lucid but he often spoke of Thorin and the others he had Quested with and someone named Pellelee. Bilbo never said who Pellelee was but spoke of them with sorrow, love, and pain, it made Gandalf angry that Bilbo had felt such hurt after the Quest of Erebor and that he hadn't been able to protect Bilbo from Pellelee. Even questioning Frodo had been no help as the boy had never met anyone with such an odd name.

Gandalf left Bilbo to his sleep and hoped that tonight his dreams would be kind as they sometimes weren't, and he hoped that Bilbo would not scream for Pellelee to stay with him.

As Gandalf stood on the deck of the ship with Frodo and Elrond watching the stars dace across the sky Bilbo Baggins breathed his last with a smile on his lips.

* * *

Bilbo blinked as he gazed around the green fields, Smails were built within the hills as far as he could see and Bilbo felt both joy and sorrow at the familiar sight of his mother and father.

"Bilbo!" His mother grinned as she hugged him.

"Mother."

"There is someoen that wants to see you." Belladonna Baggins informed him.

"Papa!" A young voice screamed as Bilbo turned, barreled over by the boy that collided into him.

"Pellelee." Bilbo murmured into the boy's hair as he hugged him tightly, "You got so big."

Pellelee nodded, "Mahal lets children who die young age if they want to, so they can play and experience something of life in death."

Bilbo lifted his son onto his hip as he looked at his parents, heart heavy with sorrow and grief, "Did Thorin refuse him?"

Bungo frowned, "No, he's visiting."

Bilbo couldn't help his sigh of relief as he held his son to him, "I'm glad."

"I do believe that my husband would have beaten him if he had." A twinkling voice said from behind him.

"Lady Yavanna." Bilbo breathed and bowed as best he could without letting Pellelee down.

"None of that now, my husband and I have been discussing what to do with you when you arrived."

"Why?" Bilbo asked.

"Well, one of his people claimes you are his One and you have a child with them, by his own laws you are permitted into his Halls if you so wish." Yavanna explained, "But then you are also a child of mine and being such you would not feel comfortable surrounded by only stone."

Bilbo nodded in understanding.

"We have come up with a solution, there is a realm between the my husbands Halls and my Green Fields, there are many small mountains here, when it was suggested that you stay there Thorin decided he would stay with you if you would permit, but he has been building a home within one of the mountains since Mahal and I agreed. Young Kili mentioned that Bag-End was a courting gift to your mother and Thorin went with it since he failed to court you while you both lived."

"He still wants me?" Bilbo asked quietly.

Yavanna smiled softly, "He does. Come, child."

"Are others allowed to pass into this realm?" Bilbo asked, "I would like to see my old friends."

"Yes, they may come, stay, or go as they wish." Yavanna said as she led Bilbo and Pellelee away from his parents, "Just as you and your parents can."

"Thank you."

Yavanna only continued to smile as the approached a vine covered door in Durin's blue.

"He is on the other side." Yavanna told him.

"I want down, Papa." Pellelee said.

Bilbo let the boy slide down to the ground and was pleased with the boy tucked his hand into Bilbo's, "Don't be frightened, Papa, Adad missed you lots."

Bilbo smiled at the boy and stepped through the door that Yavanna opened for him.

"Bilbo." Thorin said as he gazed upon the Hobbit that he loved, that had borne his child, and had helped him reclaim his home.

"Hello, Master Thorin." Bilbo smiled shyly.

"I have so much to make up for and stories to hear from you." Thorin said as he tucked a blonde curl behind Bilbo's ear.

"You could start with a courtship braid if you like." Bilbo said boldly.

"Yes." Thorin breathed and pressed a kiss to Bilbo's lips.

Bilbo sighed softly and let himself be held by the Dwarrow he loved for the first time in years, he knew there was more to discuss and learn about his son and Thorin's kin and a reunion with the friends he had lost but for a moment as their son threw his arms around their waists nothing mattered but this reunion, their reunion, their small family.


End file.
